OK, another great e-mail just came my way, and so I want to share some more winter in Wisconsin humor with y'all here. Y'kno, there is a lot of truth to these, but I do find these humorous and I hope you will too...
Enjoy!
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING. . .
65 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in Wisconsin plant gardens.
60 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Wisconsin sunbathe.
50 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.
40 above zero: Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.
35 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.
20 above Zero: People in Miami all die. Wisconsinites close the windows.
At Zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats.
10 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.
20 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors.
30 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the Snowmobile.
40 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops. People in Wisconsin start saying...'Cold enough fer ya?'
50 below zero: Hell freezes over. Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late!
As I write this, it's sunny and right at Zero outside. Just too damm cold to do anything outside... oh and btw, did I mention that spring and summer can come anytime?
Later my peeps...
JD
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
WINTERTIME IN WISCONSIN... :- (
Oman, just got this e-mail sent to me my a friend...if any of you live in the upper midwest like I do, you know that wintertime can be a b*tch most times. Cold temps, long nights, gray days, snow, and whatnot. This humorous little email just drives it home...
Please take a moment to read this and laugh...I was, and I was practically crying!!
Enjoy!!
Diary of a Demented Snow Sniveler
December 8 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So Romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a young boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry... We'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see Snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor!
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to minus 20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, But I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so much.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 Extra shovels at the local Home Depot. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. This is Wisconsin.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on just to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought that wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so fkn cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the A-hole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. WTF is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the fkn shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that fkn snow plow, I'll drag him through the fkn snow by his fkn balls and fkn beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and just waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight... Snowed in... The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave and zap her.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; the plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. What a deal.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BEOTCH is really driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
OK, Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother in Florida. Nine more inches predicted tonight.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Hope y'all had a good laugh! I can relate to some of this as well!
Spring and Summer can come anytime they want to. I'm ready!!
Peace, Love, Sole,
JD
Please take a moment to read this and laugh...I was, and I was practically crying!!
Enjoy!!
Diary of a Demented Snow Sniveler
December 8 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So Romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a young boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry... We'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see Snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor!
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to minus 20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, But I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so much.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 Extra shovels at the local Home Depot. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. This is Wisconsin.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on just to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought that wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so fkn cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the A-hole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. WTF is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the fkn shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that fkn snow plow, I'll drag him through the fkn snow by his fkn balls and fkn beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and just waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight... Snowed in... The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave and zap her.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; the plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. What a deal.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BEOTCH is really driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
OK, Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother in Florida. Nine more inches predicted tonight.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Hope y'all had a good laugh! I can relate to some of this as well!
Spring and Summer can come anytime they want to. I'm ready!!
Peace, Love, Sole,
JD
OLD SKOOL JAMZFEST: 2009
Yo, whaddup my peeps?... its me, Mixmaster J on the Wheels of Steel here!! OK, each and every year around the end of January I have a celebration/house party of sorts called the Old Skool Jamzfest. I have been doing this for about the last 8 or 9 years, and usually it encompasses just myself and a few friends or neighbors over, a few adult libations and me working the wheels of steel spinning a lot of the Soul/Funk/R&B/Dance music that has influenced me over a good portion of my lifetime.Why do I do this? Well, because even though I have followed the changes in popular and R&B music over the years, I still love the old skool stuff. I was just a young dude when I accidentally discovered this music on a college radio station one snowy January night back in the 80's. So each weekend thereafter, I simply commemorated the event, and when I moved out, I usually have people over to my place to celebrate. Some of the groups that influenced me are the likes of The Tom Tom Club, D-Train, The Whispers, Prince, The Time (featuring the flashy Morris Day), The Isley Brothers, and a whole host of others. These artists today have become legendary so to speak, and I am always following the progression of modern day music (Pop, Dance & R&B), and I probably always will. I simply love music, be it from yesterday to today, and looking forward to tomorrows talent as well.
The Old Skool Jamzfest I had planned was to have been held on Saturday January 31, 2009 and broadcast over my FM transmitter to my whole neighborhood on 88.3 FM, but due to some unforseen crcumstances that have presented themselves, I am deciding to push the date back to sometime in February or March perhaps. I will keep y'all informed, because the thing I am aiming to do is to digitally record my entire program and posting it up online for all to hear if you wish. And I have to work out the logistics on that, but it's gonna have to take a back seat for right now unfortunately. Hopefully by next year or by 2011, I would like to do a full-blown webcast for y'all to listen in live as I not only broadcast to my neighborhood on the FM dial, but to a global audience via the internet as well. This thing is going to grow exponentially over the next several years if I have my way. And I usually get my way!!
But, alas, my peeps, I will keep you informed as to the date of the Old Skool Jamzfest:2009 as it warrants. And I'll post my show up online so y'all can hear some of my "mad skillz" haha!!!
Till then, keep jammin!
Peace, Love, Sole,
JD
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
OKAY...AN UPDATE OF SORTS!
Hey everyone, have been away from my blogsite for a minute, and what a long minute it was...I've got a million things on my mind, but, so I dont bore you with long drawn out details, I'm gonna keep it brief and just summarize a few key events and such since my last post.
THE 2008 MILWAUKEE BREWERS OK, so they didn't make it to the World Series, but I do believe one day they will. They lost to eventual World Champs the Phillies, and I'm ok with that, cuz I'm an old skool National League fan all the way...Perhaps 2009? Maybe. We'll see
2008 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION Well, here I just wanna say that being from East Central Wisconsin, this is a pretty conservative part of the state, but it is also progressive as well. Being a product of this area, it's no wonder why I'm pretty conservative in my views, but I do not consider myself a Republican per se. I'm also not a Democrat either. What I am is an Independent who leans conservative (i.e. low taxes, less government intrusion, pro-life et al) but I also lean somewhat progressive on certain issues, Mass Transit being a big one. There are plans to connect all major cities in the Midwest with an Amtrak line (Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee, Chicago, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Detroit, Cleveland, Indianapolis and the like). I am all for this. I'd just love to hop the train and take it up to the Twin Cities or down to Milwaukee or Chicago without putting up with the hassle of driving. And we all know gas has come down right now, but it will go back up I predict. Anyhow, I will freely admit I voted McCain/Palin, but I never was a huge McCain fan, I just wanted someone who had experience assume Bush's role. But alas, the people spoke and elected Barack Obama as our next president. I admire his style, and he seems like he is serious about getting things done. My hope is that he doesn't decimate our armed forces and bring about punitive taxes and excessive government regulation. My thought is that he will have to govern from the center and withhold some of his campaign promises. I will be cautiously optimistic as his presidency takes shape. Oh, and I understand he's for the Midwest mass transit initiative, so I expect him to see this through.
THE STOCK MARKET COLLAPSE Oh boy, I kinda saw this coming, but not so severe. Look, I'm not placing any blame on anyone here, but what I will say is this: I do believe fear took over Wall Street over the last 7-8 years and all these inflated earnings and prices caused a bubble to burst. And now the layoffs and the recession have set in to our psyche. When will it end? I do not know, but one thing I can say is this... we are Americans, and this country WILL rebound. I honestly believe it will start to right now, but we must have courage to move forward, curb spending a little and start saving more (I do!). I do believe by the mid to end of 2009 we could be pulling out of this economic mess, but it remains to be seen what our beloved government will do to handle this. Again, we'll see...
THE GREEN BAY PACKERS Uggggh! what a bad season. No defense whatsoever. It started out good, but went south shortly after that. Up here, Packer Football is a religion and a ritual every Sunday. So a 6-10 season is unacceptable. 13-3 the year before and a trip away from the Super Bowl, all the way to 6-10 this season and a trip down the Toilet Bowl ha ha!!
HAPPY 2009 EVERYONE...my hope and prayer is that everyone has a safe, successful year, and that we start to see a turnaround in the economy...
Well, a few thoughts for ya and I'll have more coming, so stay tuned!
Peace,
JD
THE 2008 MILWAUKEE BREWERS OK, so they didn't make it to the World Series, but I do believe one day they will. They lost to eventual World Champs the Phillies, and I'm ok with that, cuz I'm an old skool National League fan all the way...Perhaps 2009? Maybe. We'll see
2008 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION Well, here I just wanna say that being from East Central Wisconsin, this is a pretty conservative part of the state, but it is also progressive as well. Being a product of this area, it's no wonder why I'm pretty conservative in my views, but I do not consider myself a Republican per se. I'm also not a Democrat either. What I am is an Independent who leans conservative (i.e. low taxes, less government intrusion, pro-life et al) but I also lean somewhat progressive on certain issues, Mass Transit being a big one. There are plans to connect all major cities in the Midwest with an Amtrak line (Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee, Chicago, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Detroit, Cleveland, Indianapolis and the like). I am all for this. I'd just love to hop the train and take it up to the Twin Cities or down to Milwaukee or Chicago without putting up with the hassle of driving. And we all know gas has come down right now, but it will go back up I predict. Anyhow, I will freely admit I voted McCain/Palin, but I never was a huge McCain fan, I just wanted someone who had experience assume Bush's role. But alas, the people spoke and elected Barack Obama as our next president. I admire his style, and he seems like he is serious about getting things done. My hope is that he doesn't decimate our armed forces and bring about punitive taxes and excessive government regulation. My thought is that he will have to govern from the center and withhold some of his campaign promises. I will be cautiously optimistic as his presidency takes shape. Oh, and I understand he's for the Midwest mass transit initiative, so I expect him to see this through.
THE STOCK MARKET COLLAPSE Oh boy, I kinda saw this coming, but not so severe. Look, I'm not placing any blame on anyone here, but what I will say is this: I do believe fear took over Wall Street over the last 7-8 years and all these inflated earnings and prices caused a bubble to burst. And now the layoffs and the recession have set in to our psyche. When will it end? I do not know, but one thing I can say is this... we are Americans, and this country WILL rebound. I honestly believe it will start to right now, but we must have courage to move forward, curb spending a little and start saving more (I do!). I do believe by the mid to end of 2009 we could be pulling out of this economic mess, but it remains to be seen what our beloved government will do to handle this. Again, we'll see...
THE GREEN BAY PACKERS Uggggh! what a bad season. No defense whatsoever. It started out good, but went south shortly after that. Up here, Packer Football is a religion and a ritual every Sunday. So a 6-10 season is unacceptable. 13-3 the year before and a trip away from the Super Bowl, all the way to 6-10 this season and a trip down the Toilet Bowl ha ha!!
HAPPY 2009 EVERYONE...my hope and prayer is that everyone has a safe, successful year, and that we start to see a turnaround in the economy...
Well, a few thoughts for ya and I'll have more coming, so stay tuned!
Peace,
JD
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